


EPISODE THREE: "We're All Massive Losers"

by gaypetersimmonds



Series: Skam Brighton: Season One [4]
Category: Original Work, SKAM (Norway)
Genre: Canon Bisexual Character, Canon Character of Color, Canon Lesbian Character, Episode 3, F/M, Gen, German, Skam Season 1, Texting, because we're gay here, just having a Time lads, key smashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-12
Packaged: 2019-07-27 18:13:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16224590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaypetersimmonds/pseuds/gaypetersimmonds
Summary: Sandy Neuman is in her fifth year of secondary school. She's struggling with her GCSE coursework, her boyfriend Bryan's a dick most of the time, and she has no friends. At all.Well, she used to, but that's another story.Right now, she just wants to get through the year with no drama at all. But with a theatre club being started by the new in town, out-and-proud lesbian Esther Montner, drama is all she's going to get.FIRST CLIP: Nailed It





	1. CLIP ONE: "Nailed It"

**MONDAY, OCTOBER 8TH, 07:17**

 

EXT. STREET

 

 _“Water Ripples” by Enno Aare_ is playing as SANDY walks down the street, her earbuds in, drowning out the silent conversation BRYAN, RORY and JAKE are having several feet in front of her.

 

They all walk, separated, for a while, before JAKE and RORY enter a shop, and BRYAN leans on the wall outside it.

 

SANDY stands straighter and begins to walk past.

 

BRYAN  
Sandy, wait.

 

She sighs and takes out her earbuds, the music stopping, and looks at him expectantly.

 

BRYAN  
I’ll see you in class.

 

SANDY  
Yeah. You will.

 

He leans in to kiss her and she steps away.

 

BRYAN  
Sandy, I’m sorry. If I knew how important this weekend was to you, I would never have invited those guys.

 

SANDY rolls her eyes.

 

SANDY  
Well, I didn’t know it wasn’t that important to you.

 

BRYAN  
It was important! And… if it’s about the… you know thing, I really am sorry. I genuinely just… I messed up. I feel so bad about it. Can you forgive me? Please?

 

She doesn’t react.

 

BRYAN  
Please, Sandy, I love you.

 

She nods, looking defeated. He sighs with relief.

 

BRYAN  
But… I also have to spend time with my friends, you know? And that used to be really important to you too.

 

SANDY  
It _is_ important to me. What isn’t important to me is spending time with _your_ friends.

 

BRYAN  
Well, I said you could bring a friend too!

 

There’s a long awkward silence, as SANDY looks around her and BRYAN stares at her.

 

BRYAN  
Look… Can’t you just--

 

SANDY  
Get some friends?

 

BRYAN sighs.

 

BRYAN  
Babe, I didn’t mean that, you know that.

 

SANDY  
Well, you were thinking it.

 

BRYAN  
Jesus, I don’t know what you want me to say anymore.

 

SANDY  
Just…

 

She scrunches her nose, thinking.

 

SANDY  
Be honest.

 

BRYAN  
Completely honest?

 

She nods hesitantly.

 

BRYAN  
Sandy, you are the coolest girl I know. You’re pretty, sweet, funny, and _smart_. I do really love you. But… I don’t know what the problem is. You just have to find some new friends! Nice friends! Friends who accept you! Anyone who gets to be your friends is super lucky.

 

SANDY looks away, smiling slightly.

 

SANDY  
I don’t know what to say…

 

BRYAN  
Nailed it!

 

They share a laugh, and then they kiss, as RORY and JAKE exit the shop.

 

RORY  
Aw, the lovebirds made up!

 

They clap BRYAN on the back and pull him forward.

 

RORY  
Now, for our next practise, I was thinking we…

 

Their voices become muffled as they turn a corner, SANDY walking on after them, her earbuds still out.

 

She looks around her, admiring the scenery for a bit, before pulling out her phone, turning on mobile data and opening Instagram.

 

She scrolls through her feed, various pictures of everything, from the beach to people's faces to people's dogs, before opening her notifications and tapping ESTHER’s profile.

 

She stares at the profile picture for a few seconds, and then opens the messaging feature.

 

She takes a shaky breath, thinks for a moment, and begins to type “Congrats on having me as a friend, haha!”.

 

She stares at it for a second, and then deletes it, looking around her for inspiration.

 

She sighs, and starts again, typing “Hey girl, what’s up?”.

 

She deletes that one too, but accidentally clicks send before deleting the h, so she ends up just sending “H”.

 

SANDY  
[whispering] Fuuuuuuuck…

 

She quickly types “Hi is what I meant. Wanted to say hi but I accidentally hit send before I could type the i. Haha sorry.” and sends it.

 

The messages are marked as read and SANDY watching her phone in nervous anticipation.

 

ESTHER sends “sefrtyjuhybgvfc it’s fine”.

 

SANDY smiles at the message widely, before googling “What does sefrtyjuhybgvfc mean?”


	2. CLIP TWO: "Strong Body Odour"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: i don't speak german and just used a translating site for the german spoken. there are english translations beside the Horrible German Spoken though, so you don't have to translate The Mess.

**TUESDAY, OCTOBER 9TH, 11:29**

 

_“No Roots” by Alice Merton_ plays over panning shots of BACA, and of students walking around, talking.

 

INT. HALLWAY, BACA

 

The camera lingers on a cork board with several sign up sheets for clubs on them.

 

There are more shots of students walking down the hallway, before the camera locks on SANDY and follows her through a door.

 

INT. GERMAN CLASSROOM

 

The music fades out as SANDY walks in and sees ESTHER sitting at a desk to the left of the room, on her phone.

 

SANDY takes a deep breath and begins to walk towards her, but a GUY takes the seat next to ESTHER.

 

SANDY looks disappointed as she sits at the empty desk to the right of them.

 

GUY  
Hey.

 

ESTHER looks up from her phone and rolls her eyes at him.

 

GUY  
How’re you doing?

 

ESTHER looks over at SANDY, who looks away from her, and smiles at the GUY.

 

ESTHER  
No.

 

She gets up and walks over to where SANDY is sitting.

 

ESTHER  
Can I sit here?

 

SANDY nods, smiling helplessly, as ESTHER sits down and takes out her books.

 

ESTHER  
Hi. Or, should I say… H?

 

They both laugh, slightly awkward.

 

SANDY  
H.

 

ESTHER opens her mouth to say something else, but is cut off by the TEACHER walking in.

 

TEACHER  
Guten morgen, klasse. Sie alle haben Ihre Hausaufgaben abgeschlossen? [Good morning class. You have all completed your homework?]

 

SANDY looks confused for a second, before realising.

 

SANDY  
Shit.

 

ESTHER looks to her, concerned.

 

SANDY  
We had homework?

 

ESTHER  
Yeah, a character analysis thing.

 

SANDY  
Fuck me…

 

TEACHER  
Sandy!

 

SANDY jumps, and looks up at the TEACHER, clearly panicking.

 

TEACHER  
Was tut der Protagonist der Geschichte do? [What does the protagonist of the story do?]

 

SANDY  
Uh…

 

SANDY quickly flips through her book, but clearly isn’t finding anything. She stops and tries to look calm.

 

SANDY  
Um…

 

ESTHER leans over and whispers something into her ear.

 

SANDY  
Sie fühlt sich allein. [She feels alone.]

 

TEACHER  
Esther, ich will dich nicht, für sie zu beantworten. [Esther, I don’t want you to answer for her.]

 

ESTHER  
Sie können nicht finden, ihre Hausaufgaben, verpassen, ich habe nur versucht, ihr zu helfen. [She can’t find her homework, miss, I was just trying to help her.]

 

SANDY watches her speak, in awe of her.

 

ESTHER  
Außerdem fragte Sie die Frage nicht richtig. Der korrekte Weg wäre: Was ist die Hauptfigur der Geschichte wie? [Besides, you didn’t ask the question correctly. The correct way would be: what is the main character of the story like?]

 

ESTHER smirks at the TEACHER's confused expression, making SANDY laughs accidentally, but she covers it up with a cough.

 

TEACHER  
Sie sind richtig, tut mir leid. [You’re right, I’m sorry.]

 

The TEACHER continues to speak in the background, but we can’t hear her properly.

 

SANDY continues to watch ESTHER as she tightens her ponytail.

 

ESTHER looks at her, and she looks away.

 

ESTHER  
I lived in Berlin for a few years. Just moved here a month ago.

 

SANDY  
Oh! That’s why you’re so good!

 

ESTHER smiles.

 

ESTHER  
Thanks. Living in Germany was awesome.

 

There's a short awkward silence, SANDY looking desperate to keep talking.

 

SANDY  
Um, do you miss it?

 

ESTHER  
Of course. But here’s cool too.

 

She pauses.

 

ESTHER  
I miss having people to hang out with though. We used to all do theatre together, it was… really fun.

 

SANDY  
I totally get what you mean.

 

They look at each other for a long moment, having a connection.

 

ESTHER  
Well, that’s my excuse for being friendless. What’s yours?

 

SANDY looks away for a moment, before looking back, deadpan.

 

SANDY  
Strong body odour.

 

They burst into quiet laughter, as the TEACHER clears her throat.

 

They stop, but smile at each other.

 

ESTHER opens her homework and lays it on the middle of the desk.

 

SANDY opens her book and begins to copy it down. She stops for a second, and writes “Thank You” on ESTHER’s book.

 

ESTHER looks at it and writes “You’re Welcome” beneath it.

 

SANDY smiles warmly at the exchange, as the camera focuses on the words.


	3. CLIP THREE: "A Club For Friendship"

**WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 10TH, 12:38**

 

EXT. BACA COURTYARD

 

SANDY is sitting on a wall next to JAKE and BRYAN, looking very bored as they talk.

 

BRYAN  
A ‘B’? This is such bullshit!

 

JAKE  
Let me see, man…

 

BRYAN hands JAKE his paper as SANDY looks at a similar one in her open bag, with a ‘D’ on it. She closes her bag and picks the paint off of the wall as JAKE reads BRYAN’s paper, BRYAN watching anxiously.

 

JAKE  
Aha. You spelt re _lat_ ivism as re _lit_ ivism.

 

BRYAN  
What? No way!

 

JAKE points at the paper and BRYAN scoffs.

 

BRYAN  
It’s not that big of a deal.

 

JAKE  
You just wanted to get _lit_ , huh?

 

BRYAN  
Fuck off, I’m still smart as fuck.

 

JAKE  
Uh huh.

 

BRYAN and JAKE begin to play fight, and SANDY sighs. She looks across the courtyard and sees RORI and LIZ walking towards them, RORI looking all around her and LIZ looking very bored.

 

RORI  
I haven’t seen him in since last class, Liz. This is seriously bad!

 

LIZ sees SANDY and smiles with relief.

 

LIZ  
Look, Rori! I’ve been meaning to talk to her.

 

RORI  
What? Who? What are you on about?

 

LIZ pulls RORI over to SANDY, and BRYAN and JAKE stop play fighting to look at them.

 

LIZ  
Hi! Thanks for Friday!

 

SANDY  
Oh, um… I--

 

LIZ  
Sorry I couldn’t really speak properly, I was sort of out of it.

 

She laughs awkwardly, and SANDY quietly laughs along, as RORI stands on her tiptoes and looks around her.

 

RORI  
Liz, he might’ve gone out. What do you think?

 

LIZ  
I’m talking to… Uh…

 

SANDY  
Sandy.

 

LIZ  
Oh! Right! Elizabeth, Liz for short.

 

She sticks out her hand and SANDY hesitantly shakes it.

 

RORI notices SANDY for the first time.

 

RORI  
I’m Rori, but you already knew that.

 

She goes back to her searching.

 

JAKE does a bad impression of it behind her back and BRYAN laughs.

 

LIZ pretends not to see and smiles at SANDY.

 

LIZ  
It was, uh, really so nice of you to help me. Even if it didn’t help at all.

 

SANDY  
Oh. You’re welcome?

 

RORI makes a squealing sound and points at something in the distance, before sinking visibly.

 

RORI  
It was just a crow. But it really looked like his hair!

 

LIZ  
Jesus Christ…

 

BRYAN makes a cawing sound and he and JAKE laugh.

 

RORI speaks loudly over them, with a fake-confident smile.

 

RORI  
So… Are you in any clubs?

 

SANDY  
Uh, no.

 

RORI  
Perfect! [she turns to LIZ] Liz! Tell her about your club! [she turns to SANDY] She has a great club! It’s so cool! [she turns to LIZ] Go on! [she turns to SANDY] It’s like the cheesecake of clubs!

 

LIZ  
What does that even mean?

 

RORI  
Everyone loves it, duh. Now tell her! We need more than two members if we don’t want to get cancelled, and we don’t want to get cancelled!

 

LIZ  
Yes, thank for you saying that very loudly, Rori.

 

SANDY, who has looks uncomfortable throughout this exchange, finally speaks up.

 

SANDY  
Um, I’m not sure if I--

 

LIZ  
Well, this is an important thing for you to think about. Universities aren’t just looking at grades anymore, and besides, it’s a great way to make new friends. I don’t know how they did it wherever you’re from, but here in Brighton we--

 

SANDY sits up straight.

 

SANDY  
I’ve lived here my whole life. I know how things happen.

 

LIZ  
Oh?

 

SANDY  
I used to play football…

 

RORI  
Why don’t you anymore?

 

SANDY doesn’t respond, and there’s an awkward silence.

 

RORI  
Well, if you’re free, it’s a… um... Liz, what is it?

 

LIZ  
A friendship club! A club for… friendship.

 

There’s another awkward pause.

 

RORI  
Oh! Right! Yeah! It’s like the mafia. Once you’re in, you can’t get out. It ends in a collective suicide on the beach at exactly midnight on the 23rd of May 2020.

 

SANDY looks at her like “what the fuck” as LIZ begins to laugh loudly.

 

LIZ  
She’s kidding! So… The first meeting is Friday, after school. Do you think you can make it?

 

SANDY  
Uh…

 

She looks at BRYAN, who nods.

 

SANDY  
Yes?

 

LIZ  
Great! I’ll Insta message you the details. If you have any friends, bring them with you! The more the merrier!

 

SANDY  
I’ll… see if they’re free.

 

LIZ  
Awesome! I’ll see you later!

 

SANDY smiles and nods as LIZ and RORI walk away, RORI launching back into her boy talk as BRYAN and JAKE burst out laughing.

 

JAKE  
You’re joining the _cheesecake mafia_!

 

BRYAN  
Just don’t get involved in any baking crime, okay babe?

 

SANDY laughs along fakelt, as she continues to watch LIZ and RORI walk.


	4. CLIP FOUR: "The Coolest Girl At School"

**THURSDAY, OCTOBER 11TH, 14:04**

 

Opening shots of the school’s full hallways, with indistinguishable chatter in the background.

 

INT. HALLWAY, BACA

 

The talking cuts out as the camera focuses on SANDY’s back, as she stands in front of a noticeboard covered in posters for clubs, most noticeably a hand drawn one for the friendship club, a graffitied one for a theatre club, and one with a picture of a bong on it with drug helpline numbers under it.

 

ESTHER walks up behind her.

 

ESTHER  
H?

 

SANDY jumps, turns around and smiles as ESTHER points at the drug poster.

 

ESTHER  
H, as in “have you got a weed problem?”

 

SANDY laughs.

 

ESTHER  
Or… H, as in “have you got any plans tomorrow evening?” 

 

SANDY looks taken aback, but before she can open her mouth, LIZ storms up to them, holding several crumpled up friendship club posters.

 

LIZ  
[to ESTHER] Well, I hope you’re happy. You got what you wanted.

 

ESTHER  
Look, Elizabeth, I didn’t mean for this to happen.

 

LIZ scoffs and tears the friendship club poster down from the noticeboard, as SANDY looks at both of them like “what the fuck is happening”.

 

LIZ  
Well, the friendship club is now officially the theatre club. Well done, president.

 

She salutes and turns to walk off.

 

ESTHER  
We can always, you know, work together?

 

LIZ stops and turns back around.

 

LIZ  
Are you kidding?!

 

LIZ notices SANDY and calms herself down, smiling widely.

 

LIZ  
Hi Sandy, I didn’t see you there. I was just… Uh…

 

SANDY  
Is there some sort of problem here?

 

ESTHER sighs.

 

ESTHER  
They only had room for one more club at the school, so they decided to combine ours. Which is fine, by the way, Elizabeth.

 

LIZ  
More like destroy mine to support yours. Because theatre is clearly _so_ much more important than _friendship_.

 

ESTHER  
We can literally do both!

 

LIZ rolls her eyes and doesn’t say anything.

 

SANDY awkwardly looks around as there’s an awkward pause.

 

ESTHER  
We’ll have the meeting in the drama room then.

 

LIZ  
Which one?

 

ESTHER  
I don’t know. I’ll ask around and text--

 

LIZ  
No, I’ll do it.

 

ESTHER  
But--

 

LIZ  
I can handle it.

 

SANDY looks between them.

 

SANDY  
I’ll just… get going.

 

ESTHER  
Please stay.

 

LIZ  
Yeah. You’re part of the club, aren’t you?

 

SANDY chuckles awkwardly.

 

SANDY  
I’m… Still thinking about it.

 

LIZ groans.

 

LIZ  
Have either of you seen Rori? She was supposed to be here to support me.

 

ESTHER  
Support?

 

LIZ  
In fighting for what’s mine.

 

LIZ sighs as ESTHER looks at SANDY like “is she serious?” and SANDY shrugs.

 

LIZ  
She’s probably stalking her guy or whatever.

 

ESTHER  
Oh. Fun. Normalising stalking.

 

LIZ  
I’m just kidding, Jesus. It’s not like you would get it anyway. I’ve seen your Instagram.

 

ESTHER looks uncomfortable and doesn’t say anything as SANDY looks confused.

 

SANDY  
What do you mean?

 

LIZ  
She was literally wearing a pride shirt in her profile pic, didn’t you see? And holding the pansexual flag.

 

ESTHER  
It’s the lesbian flag, actually.

 

LIZ  
But it’s not rainbow.

 

ESTHER looks like she’s about to punch LIZ, when RORI walks over with a girl - BRIANNA HOLLAND - with brown skin, a lot of makeup, and a very short skirt.

 

SANDY looks at her and awkwardly looks away.

 

RORI  
Hey guys, this is Brianna. She wants to join.

 

BRIANNA remains expressionless as LIZ looks uncomfortable and ESTHER smiles.

 

ESTHER  
How did you guys meet?

 

BRIANNA  
Oh, we go to the same mosque.

 

SANDY snorts as RORI Loses Her Shit. It takes a while for her to calm down.

 

RORI  
No, we have history together. [she laughs again] The subject, not the real thing.

 

There’s another awkward silence and LIZ looks BRIANNA up and down, judging her, as BRIANNA fiddles with her crucifix necklace.

 

SANDY looks thoroughly uncomfortable.

 

ESTHER  
So, you want to join our club!

 

BRIANNA  
Yep.

 

LIZ  
Is that allowed?

 

BRIANNA  
You don’t get to decide that.

 

LIZ scoffs.

 

LIZ  
No, I meant… I just thought it might be a problem, you know? Because of where you’re from. Um, where exactly _are_ you from?

 

BRIANNA rolls her eyes.

 

BRIANNA  
Where I’m from, the magical land of none of your business, theatre is punishable by stoning.

 

SANDY and ESTHER laugh for a second, and RORI, once again, loses her shit for a Long Time.

 

RORI  
So… What’s the deal with the meeting tomorrow?

 

LIZ  
[glaring at ESTHER] I’ll see what _drama_ room we can get.

 

BRIANNA  
Sounds grand. I’ll see you then.

 

SANDY  
But how will you know where to go?

 

BRIANNA winks - making SANDY go wide eyed - and walks off.

 

RORI  
[calling after her] Farewell, good lady! [to the others] Get it? That’s how the history people talk.

 

LIZ stops awkwardly smiling.

 

LIZ  
Rori, what the heck were you thinking? She can’t be in our club!

 

RORI  
Why not? She’s awesome and her makeup looks really cool.

 

LIZ  
Yeah, all twenty inches thick of it.

 

RORI  
That makes no sense.

 

ESTHER  
No.

 

They all turn to look at her.

 

ESTHER  
She seems cool, and we have no reason not to let her in.

 

LIZ  
Uh… The whole club needs to make the decision!

 

RORI  
I’m in!

 

ESTHER  
So am I.

 

LIZ  
Shit…

 

ESTHER  
Wait, Sandy didn’t say what she thought yet. Sandy?

 

SANDY smiles.

 

SANDY  
Yeah! Let her in!

 

ESTHER and RORI high five her and SANDY smiles wider.

 

LIZ scoffs as she rolls her eyes, and stomps off in a huff.

 

RORI  
She’s always dramatic, I’ll go calm her down.

 

RORI follows her out.

 

ESTHER  
So… I take it you have plans tomorrow?

 

SANDY  
Yeah. I’m hanging out with the coolest girl at school.

 

ESTHER  
Yeah, Brianna seems awesome, and--

 

The bell rings, cutting her off.

 

ESTHER  
See you later.

 

She walks off.

 

SANDY  
[mutters] I didn’t mean her…

 

She walks off too, in the opposite direction, the camera lingering on the graffitied theatre club poster.


	5. CLIP FIVE: "Dump Him"

**FRIDAY, OCTOBER 12TH, 15:49**

 

INT. DRAMA CLASSROOM

 

Shots of posters about performing and on how to project your voice.

 

The camera settles on BRIANNA, RORI, ESTHER and SANDY, who all look very bored as LIZ paces back and forth.

 

RORI  
I don’t think anyone else is coming…

 

LIZ  
But the meeting only started…

 

She checks her watch. 

 

LIZ  
Forty five minutes ago! [she sighs] Okay, well, I’ll begin.

 

 

She sits down and pulls out a very full binder.

 

LIZ  
I’ve already made an itinerary of activities that we can do as a friendship group, and I have reserved a page for us in the yearbook, so we’ll be fine.

 

She pauses, smiling.

 

ESTHER  
Um, I think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself.

 

LIZ  
Excuse me?

 

ESTHER  
Maybe we should… focus on making the club get known? So that we don’t get shut down? And we also need money for costumes, and if we want to do a show--

 

LIZ  
No. We don’t. This is friendship and theatre. Some improv or whatever can fit into my plan.

 

ESTHER scoffs.

 

ESTHER  
We’ll discuss it at a later date. But we need to focus on getting a good reputation because… Well, just look.

 

She takes out several graffitied theatre club posters and places them on the table.

 

RORI gasps, LIZ looks panicked, SANDY looks pretty shaken, and BRIANNA rolls her eyes.

 

RORI  
What the hell?! They didn’t even spell d… the d word properly. 

 

ESTHER  
No, it’s with a y.

 

SANDY looks uncomfortable.

 

RORI  
Huh. I didn’t know that.

 

ESTHER  
Of course you didn’t.

 

LIZ  
But-- People can’t say things like that! They can’t! We have to report them!

 

ESTHER  
And say what? We have zero proof who did it.

 

LIZ  
They can test the handwriting against everyone in the school’s! Then we get good press for being nice people and we get those assholes in trouble!

 

BRIANNA  
Oh, wise up!

 

Everyone turns to her.

 

BRIANNA  
They’re not going to do anything. Why would they?

 

LIZ  
Because it’s right?

 

BRIANNA  
Since when did school care about what was right?

 

LIZ  
You… You’re very pessimistic.

 

BRIANNA  
I’m aware. I know this might be hard for you, but you need to accept that you’re a loser. We’re all massive losers. 

 

RORI  
You think that you’re a loser?

 

BRIANNA  
Come on, I’m a Romani traveller in a country where the normal word for people like me is a slur and everyone flocks to their TVs to watch us like animals in a zoo but run from us in real life. I’m the biggest loser of us all.

 

There’s a pause.

 

RORI  
You speak really mature.

 

BRIANNA  
Thanks, I know.

 

There’s another pause.

 

ESTHER  
Do you have any ideas on… the club in general?

 

LIZ  
Yes, because we absolutely need three whole leaders.

 

ESTHER glares at her and LIZ glares back, until RORI coughs and breaks the tension.

 

BRIANNA  
She’s right. You don’t need three leaders. We need to work as an equal team.

 

LIZ  
Because that’s “realistic”.

 

BRIANNA  
[ignoring her] So what we need is more people. Cool people. How do you suggest we do that, Lisa?

 

LIZ  
It’s Liz. And… Uh… We ask them?

 

BRIANNA  
Wrong. We don’t ask them, they ask us. But for that to happen, we need something they don’t have. A four letter word.

 

RORI  
A dream!

 

BRIANNA  
Cred.

 

ESTHER  
Rori, dream has five letters.

 

BRIANNA  
So… Do you know any Year 12 or 13s?

 

There's a long, awkward pause.

 

 

BRIANNA  
Any cool Year 11s?

 

RORI   
Actually--

 

LIZ   
No. We don’t.

 

LIZ looks at SANDY, who looks at the floor.

 

BRIANNA  
Great. Well, if we get invited to any of their cool parties, our cred goes up. The theatre-friendship-whatever the fuck club can’t just be some dumb kids singing Into The Woods and holding hands. So. Anyone have any ideas how we do that?

 

No one says anything.

 

BRIANNA  
We hook up with them.

 

ESTHER  
Whoa, wait, are you serious?

 

BRIANNA  
Yes.

 

LIZ  
Look, I know it’s like that in your culture, but we don’t just… prostitute ourselves around here!

 

BRIANNA  
Okay, sure, let the club fail.

 

LIZ sighs.

 

ESTHER  
Okay… As long as we’re into it as well, of course?

 

BRIANNA  
Yeah. I’m not asking you to hook up with a guy or for them to hook up with girls, just… go with the flow.

 

LIZ  
What do you mean “them”?

 

BRIANNA  
I’m bi, Leslie.

 

LIZ  
Of course you are…

 

BRIANNA  
Please just shut up. I come in and rescue you with my amazing strategy and this is the thanks I get?

 

There’s a pause.

 

ESTHER  
It is a good plan. We’ll have to work on it, maybe change it to making friends instead of making out, but overall it’s a good base.

 

RORI  
Yeah! What she said! It’s like… amazeballs. Because there’s this guy--

 

LIZ  
Shut up, Rori!

 

BRIANNA  
I’ll pretend you didn’t say amazeballs, but thank you. Does anyone here have a partner?

 

No one says anything.

 

SANDY awkwardly raises her hand.

 

SANDY  
I have a boyfriend?

 

BRIANNA  
Hm. Dump him.

 

ESTHER laughs.

 

RORI  
[laughing] Come on! You’re not serious!

 

BRIANNA  
She’s the prettiest here, it’s a waste if she has a boyfriend.

 

LIZ  
With all due respect, this is really stupid.

 

BRIANNA  
What is?

 

LIZ  
You can’t ask us to use our sexuality to get credibility! You’re crazy!

 

BRIANNA  
No. I’m honest. British girls exchange sex for money, popularity, validation, or whatever every single day.

 

LIZ  
They do not!

 

ESTHER  
Guys! Look, our values might be different, but this isn’t news to you, okay? It’s your culture. So maybe we should try to change it instead of sitting here and criticizing it.

 

Everyone stares at ESTHER for a while, SANDY looks amazed.

 

LIZ But… It is a little much to make Sandy break up with her boyfriend.

 

BRIANNA  
It was just a suggestion. She can think for herself, she’s not a child.

 

There’s another pause as everyone looks at everyone else, except for BRIANNA, who remains still.

 

BRIANNA  
I think this went well.

 

She smiles as _“Make Some Noise” by Beastie Boys_ begins to play. LIZ looks angry and uncomfortable, RORI looks amazed, ESTHER looks impressed and SANDY looks tired and in awe.

 

_CUT TO END CREDITS AS THE SONG CONTINUES_

 

_CUT TO BLACK_


End file.
